Fat Club

2^nd-Dec-2005

Hello Fatties!

I'm worried that with the recent club dinner and the coming Christmas festivities, some of you may be spending too much time with your faces in the trough and not enough time on your bikes! Imagine if you got your pictures in the paper! Who'd want to look at a bunch of fat people eh, put you right off your tea that would. Honestly!

Don't worry help is at hand, we'll be running one of them spreadsheet things, Philadelphia I think, in the New Year so that we can see who really ate all the pies.

All you've got to do is email the fat boy Martin with your height, current weight and your target weight by the first week in January. Do this the same time every week, and we can see who's raiding the fridge at night!

We'll update the spreadsheet weekly and put it on the website, nothing like a bit of peer preasure to keep us slim and trim!

Whoever loses the most weight by the start of the racing season will win a tasty Big Mac Meal, a packet cup-a-soup for the person who loses the least

The world may have gone Atkins mad, but I'd like to suggest a few alternative eating plans for those of you who like the idea of losing weight quickly, but are a bit put off by the whole Atkins whiffy breath/the shakes/bad skin/constipation/death thing...

1. The crisps diet
   Involves simply eating a different flavour of crisps each day. Monday its prawn cocktail, Tuesdays are beef, Wednesdays are salt n linekar. But beware - no spicy nik naks! Popular with celebs such as Vanessa Feltz, Rik Waller and Matt Lucas.
2. Bun in the oven diet
   Involves getting yourself up the duff and then basically scoffing as much as you want day and night (including things like pickled onions and coal) with the excuse that you're eating for two now. popular with recently pregnant celebs such as Catherine Zeta Jones, Zoe Balls and Lisa Riley.
3. The student diet:
   Involves eating a small breakfast of pasta, a pasta based lunch, and for dinner, some pasta. Ragu can be added if required (and can usually be nicked from someone else's shelf in the fridge) popular with celebs such as studenty type Peter out of fame academy and also that Alex that I don't like with the spiky hair.
4. The healthy diet:
   Involves sensible eating and exercise. not recommended.
5. The eat yourself slim diet:
   Involves eating parts of your own body. currently popular with celebs such as the chap off that show and that woman in that programme that I always video and forget to watch.
6. The no food or drink diet:
   Involves a lot of will power. currently popular with celebs such as Queen Victoria, Winston Churchill and Elvis.

Good Luck and remember not to leave the house until you've lost the weight. No one wants to see a fatty, it puts the rest of us off our food!

bye
Marje
xx